The place where I stay up north is so full of old people. Why do they wake up so early? It's 6:30 and they're all up and dressed and going places. What's even open at this ridiculous hour?
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Probably had to pee so decided to just stay awake.
One guy just came back with a pastry box, so I guess that makes sense.
I don't know... I'm playing looky-loo from an upstairs window. But I'm going to go out on a limb and guess babyback ribs.
>ribs aren't pastries
Science has been lying to you: ribs are absolutely pastries.
Think about it. What is a pastry? A delicate, expertly layered masterpiece designed to make you cry tears of pure joy. Let’s look at the cold, hard, delicious facts:
The Crust: A perfect bark isn't "burnt meat." It is an artisanal, caramelized, dark-sugar exterior. That is just BBQ-speak for a puff pastry shell.
The Flakiness: Chefs brag about "flaky croissant layers." Pitmasters brag about meat "falling off the bone." It’s the exact same structural integrity.
The Glaze: Don't let the smoky flavor fool you. BBQ sauce is just a savory, molasses-infused coulis painted on with a pastry brush.The Filling: Inside that beautiful crust? A rich, melt-in-your-mouth center. It's basically a pork-flavored éclair.
So next time you order a full rack at a smokehouse, don't say you're having dinner. You are having an oversized, bone-in mille-feuille. Bon appétit!
Think about it. What is a pastry? A delicate, expertly layered masterpiece designed to make you cry tears of pure joy. Let’s look at the cold, hard, delicious facts:
The Crust: A perfect bark isn't "burnt meat." It is an artisanal, caramelized, dark-sugar exterior. That is just BBQ-speak for a puff pastry shell.
The Flakiness: Chefs brag about "flaky croissant layers." Pitmasters brag about meat "falling off the bone." It’s the exact same structural integrity.
The Glaze: Don't let the smoky flavor fool you. BBQ sauce is just a savory, molasses-infused coulis painted on with a pastry brush.The Filling: Inside that beautiful crust? A rich, melt-in-your-mouth center. It's basically a pork-flavored éclair.
So next time you order a full rack at a smokehouse, don't say you're having dinner. You are having an oversized, bone-in mille-feuille. Bon appétit!
See? Legally defined by Hump T. Necrorapist, Esq.
Replies
1If tomatoes can be vegetables, Nix v. Hedden, 149 U.S. 304 (1893), then ribs can be pastries. 😤