Dear EU,
If you'd like to keep Greenland Danish again, the call you need to make is the following:
"Yes, Mr President? Yes. Yes. Very happy to talk to you Sir.
And a good year to you too Sir, I am sure things are going great on your side.
Now, if I may, about Greenland. Yes, yes, Sir.
I am sorry to inform you that if you keep threatening Greenland, the ECB as well as the Bank of England will start selling 1 billion dollars of US Treasury bond until you stop and desist. No sir, per hour."